Monday, March 1, 2021
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AUTHOR NAME

James Schlarmann

720 POSTS
1 COMMENTS
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Donald Trump Jr. To Have Breakthrough Plastic Surgery For His ‘Chronic Jizz Face’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The president's son will be undergoing a radical, experimental new plastic surgery procedure, and the hope is that when...

Keurig Releases Roy Moore Model That Uses 14-Year Old Covfefe Pods

READING, MASSACHUSETTS -- In the face of a conservative boycott of their products, Keurig has announced a new product line they hope will win...

5 Ways Your Sex Robot Is Telling You They’re Ready To Be Programmed To Fuck Other People

So you're in love, and everything's going well. The romance is alive, the passion is plentiful. And the sex? Oh boy, the sex! It's...

Episode IX Leak: Chewbacca, R2-D2, C-3PO, Motion Pictures, The Force, And Star Wars All Die In Final Film Of New Trilogy

If you're a fan of Star Wars, perhaps it has not always been a pleasant experience for you when new films in the franchise come out....

Jeff Sessions Reveals Himself As Member Of The Keebler Klux Klan

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's capital is abuzz with rampant rumor and speculation after an explosive new email leaked from somewhere within the Department...

Disney Apologizes For Using His Soul To Sculpt Animatronic Trump In Hall of Presidents

ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA -- The Walt Disney Company has issued an official apology to the White House this morning, saying they are "forever sorry" for...

Trump Preemptively Pardons Himself for Pardoning Himself for Things He Says He Didn’t Do

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump's Russian headaches will not go away. For over a year, allegations of connections between Russia and his campaign, now...

The Most Extensive List Of The Last Jedi Spoilers Anywhere

Not everyone likes spoilers, we get that here. In fact, many people go through great efforts to avoid spoilers for movies, TV shows, and...

“The Last Jedi” Brings in Historic $23 Squintjillion Opening Weekend Haul

Before its release, many in Tinseltown predicted that the latest installment in the Star Wars franchise would break box office records. Each successive episode or standalone...

USPS Announces New “Whatever” Stamps For Customers Who Just Can’t Right Now

The United States Postal Service has announced that they are adding a new type of stamp to the postage available for purchase at all...

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