James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Presidents Day Trivia: 45 Facts About 44 Presidents And One Orange Douchebag

Today is Presidents Day. Which means one thing for our readership: trivia! Who doesn’t ...

Wayne LaPierre Too Busy Scrubbing Blood Off Hands To Equivocate About Gun Violence

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA — National Rifle Association Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre told reporters today that ...

Gun Enthusiast Can’t Figure Out Why Gasoline Didn’t Put Out His House Fire

SPRINGFIELD, WEST VIRGINIA — Phillip Grant is known best on Facebook and in libertarian ...

Trump Worried He Hasn’t Made The Murder Of School Children About Him Enough

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA — This morning, President Trump was stopped by reporters as he existed ...

Trump Supporter Wants Florida Added To Trump’s Muslim Ban List

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Jethro Bohiggins is a die hard Donald Trump supporter, ...

Trump: ‘There Are Good People On Both Sides Of Robert Mueller’s Indictments’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, President Donald Trump, while watching Fox News in the ...

Hipster Parents Send Kid To School To Designer Bulletproof Vest

GREEN HILLS, NORTH CAROLINA — As Shannon and Chad Miller get their son Elijah ...