Friday, May 7, 2021
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James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Jim Jordan Travels Through Time to Call Montgomery Bus Boycott ‘Woke Cancel Culture’

From December 1955 to December 1956, the Montgomery Bus Boycott, famously started when Rosa Parks was asked (and refused) to cede her seat to...

Republican Party Developing Its Own App for Sex Payments

The Republican Party has begun work on developing its own proprietary payment app, which it will require politicians in the GOP to use when...

Chauvin’s Attorney: “How Was My Client to Know George Floyd Didn’t Have Lungs In His Feet?”

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA -- An attorney for accused murderer and former officer Derek Chauvin asked a question of a witness today that, perhaps, nobody had...

Matt Gaetz Wanted to Catch COVID-17 Instead

Last year, Matt Gaetz contracted the COVID-19 virus after mocking prevention efforts, but he was hoping he'd get a different variant.

Noem Says She Doesn’t See Trans People Any Differently Than Everyone Else She Let Die From Covid

PIERRE, SOUTH DAKOTA -- This week, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem signed an executive order banning biological males from playing in sports leagues designed...

The Time Someone Bought an Election With Bottles of Water

Maybe Republicans have a reason to be suspicious of people getting bottled water while waiting in line to vote.

Kemp Signs Georgia Law Establishing ‘Separate, But Unequal Democracy’

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- There has been quite a lot of news coming out of Georgia this week on the voting rights front. To the surprise...

Democrat Joe Manchin Opposes Democrat Agenda

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Joe Manchin of West Virginia is a Democrat. At least, that's what all the official paperwork seems to indicate. According...

Ted Cruz: “We Can’t Do Something About Gun Violence Until We’re Done Doing Nothing”

Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) doesn't want to do anything about gun violence until the country is done doing nothing about it first.

NRA Reminds Americans They Don’t Give a Fuck How Many of Their Friends and Family Get Shot

For most of 2020, Americans were dealing with a global covid-19 pandemic outbreak, and as such the number of mass shootings in this country...

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