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Friday, November 26, 2021
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AUTHOR NAME

James Schlarmann

872 POSTS
1 COMMENTS
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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Arts & Entertainment

William Shatner Boldly Goes Where No Other Over-Actor Has Gone Before

James Schlarmann -
Today, 90-year-old William Shatner boarded one of billionaire Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin spaceships and made history. While he became the oldest man to ever...
Government

“Small Government” Governor Dictates to Private Companies What They Can Do About COVID-19

James Schlarmann -
AUSTIN, TEXAS -- "Herp derp! Me small government conservative! Me hate socialism! Me want keep government from being tie-ran-ickle," Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said...
News

Native Spends Columbus Day Telling Americans to Go Back Where They Came From

James Schlarmann -
FALLBROOK, CALIFORNIA -- Tommy Curro, a member of the Pala Native American Tribe, made local headlines today when he stood out on the corner...
Government

New Texas Law Prevents Women From Taking Laxatives Before 9 Months of Constipation

James Schlarmann -
AUSTIN, TEXAS -- This week, a federal judge temporarily blocked Texas' ban on abortions after six weeks. The new law had garnered quite a bit...
Lifestyle

Donald Trump Wins Not Just One, But Two Nobel Prizes

James Schlarmann -
OSLO, NORWAY -- It finally happened. This morning, after years of openly campaigning for one, former one term, twice forever impeached President Donald Trump has...
Politics

Pence Says He’s Forgiven Trump for Jan 6th Because ‘Jesus Said to Spread the Other Cheek’

James Schlarmann -
MOSES HILLS, INDIANA -- Speaking before a packed, maskless congregation at a prayer breakfast hosted by a church in his home state, former Vice...
Dating/Relationships

Texas Woman Files for Joint Custody Over Boyfriend’s Sperm

James Schlarmann -
BAWSAK, TEXAS -- When Gov. Greg Abbot (Q-Gilead) signed SB8 into law, many wondered just what kind of Pandora's box he opened by making...
Politics

Rip Van Winkle Worries Chuck Grassley Too Young and Inexperienced for Eighth Term

James Schlarmann -
This morning, the living carbon fossil Chuck Grassley announced that he would be running for his eighth term in the U.S. Senate, representing the...
Lifestyle

Dead Heat in “Dumbest Donald Trump in the World” Competition

James Schlarmann -
FARTS-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- An annual competition to find the world's dumbest man named "Donald Trump" is a statistical tie at this point. Each...
Medicine

Stephen Miller Hospitalized With ‘Self-Inflicted Crotch Wound’ After Watching Border Patrol Whip Brown People

James Schlarmann -
REICH LAGOON, FLORIDA -- Former White House senior race war adviser Stephen Miller is reportedly in "serious, but stable condition" after suffering what doctors...
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