Friday, November 26, 2021
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AUTHOR NAME

James Schlarmann

872 POSTS
1 COMMENTS
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

William Shatner Boldly Goes Where No Other Over-Actor Has Gone Before

Today, 90-year-old William Shatner boarded one of billionaire Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin spaceships and made history. While he became the oldest man to ever...

“Small Government” Governor Dictates to Private Companies What They Can Do About COVID-19

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- "Herp derp! Me small government conservative! Me hate socialism! Me want keep government from being tie-ran-ickle," Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said...

Native Spends Columbus Day Telling Americans to Go Back Where They Came From

FALLBROOK, CALIFORNIA -- Tommy Curro, a member of the Pala Native American Tribe, made local headlines today when he stood out on the corner...

New Texas Law Prevents Women From Taking Laxatives Before 9 Months of Constipation

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- This week, a federal judge temporarily blocked Texas' ban on abortions after six weeks. The new law had garnered quite a bit...

Donald Trump Wins Not Just One, But Two Nobel Prizes

OSLO, NORWAY -- It finally happened. This morning, after years of openly campaigning for one, former one term, twice forever impeached President Donald Trump has...

Pence Says He’s Forgiven Trump for Jan 6th Because ‘Jesus Said to Spread the Other Cheek’

MOSES HILLS, INDIANA -- Speaking before a packed, maskless congregation at a prayer breakfast hosted by a church in his home state, former Vice...

Texas Woman Files for Joint Custody Over Boyfriend’s Sperm

BAWSAK, TEXAS -- When Gov. Greg Abbot (Q-Gilead) signed SB8 into law, many wondered just what kind of Pandora's box he opened by making...

Rip Van Winkle Worries Chuck Grassley Too Young and Inexperienced for Eighth Term

This morning, the living carbon fossil Chuck Grassley announced that he would be running for his eighth term in the U.S. Senate, representing the...

Dead Heat in “Dumbest Donald Trump in the World” Competition

FARTS-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- An annual competition to find the world's dumbest man named "Donald Trump" is a statistical tie at this point. Each...

Stephen Miller Hospitalized With ‘Self-Inflicted Crotch Wound’ After Watching Border Patrol Whip Brown People

REICH LAGOON, FLORIDA -- Former White House senior race war adviser Stephen Miller is reportedly in "serious, but stable condition" after suffering what doctors...

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