James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Says He’ll Have Mexican American Soldiers Pay For His Southern Wall

WASHINGTON, D.C. — During the 2016 presidential campaign, one of now President Trump’s most ...

Local Woman Still Not Interested In Seeing A Digital Image Of Your Penis

HARPER VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — It’s not that 28 year old Cheryl Terwilliger Jones has ...

Mike Cernovich Thuper Proud Of His Award For Journalithtic Integrity From Breitbart

ORANTH COUNTY, CALIFORNIA — Right-wing provocateur and alleged journalitht Mike Thernovich wath jutht given ...

Transgender Recruit Assures Commander In Chief She Has No Bone Spurs

RILEY, VIRGINIA — For the last six months, 19 year old Kristine Mullins has ...

Smug Asshole: ‘Ringo’s The Least Talented Of All The Knights’

This week, Her Royal Highness the Queen of England knighted living legend Richard Starkey, ...

Mushroom Cloud Assures Americans John Bolton Will Shape Trump’s Foreign Policy In Sane, Rational Direction

FALLOWT FALLS, NEVADA — As President Donald Trump selected hawkish conservative and former Ambassador ...

Trump Tells Mueller FBI Better Not Send Any Democrats To Arrest Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has sent a sternly worded letter to Special ...