James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

President Says He’s ‘Never Even Heard Of’ Trump Tower

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a perhaps foreseen but surprising move nevertheless, President Trump has ...

Study Shows Mike Cernovich Thinks About Pedophilia More Than People Who Molest Kids

RIO CHINGADERO ESTUPIDO, CALIFORNIA — Researchers at a community college in California recently published ...

Disney Partnering With Mike Cernovich Again On “Pizzagate” Biopic

LIBTARDED HOLLYWEIRDLAND, CALIFORNIA — Disney announced this morning that it is renewing its new ...

Putin Can’t Believe It’s Really Going To Be THAT Easy Bugging Every Single Room In The White House

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — The Russian/American President just cannot believe his luck, sources close to ...

Staffers Say They Still Smell Vladimir Putin’s Dinner on Trump’s Breath

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources within the White House are confirming at the time of ...

Hermain Cain and Ben Carson Are Buying Papa John’s and Renaming It “Uncle Toms”

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Two former Republican presidential candidates — Hermain Cain and Dr. Ben ...

Trump: ‘Ivanka Helped Me See A Different Perspective On Breastfeeding’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the course of his presidency thus far, Donald Trump has ...