James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

McDonald’s Debuted New ‘Big Muck’ Hamberders at Clemson White House Dinner

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the federal government entering its fourth week of historic shutdown ...

Trump Offers Dems Border Wall Compromise of Giant Retractable Dome

WASHINGTON. D.C. — With the government shut down for over two weeks, and House ...

Obama Offers To Fill-In As President During Government Shutdown

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Citing the fact that he already lives in Washington and is ...

Court Filings Reveal FBI’s Code Name for Don Jr: Individual-IQ-1

BENEDICT, NEW YORK — Last week, court filings in FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller‘s ...

Trump Promises Supporters He’ll Never Die ‘Like That Cuck Bush’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite prior tensions between the Bush family and President Donald Trump, ...

Trump Jr. Tells Mueller He’ll Roll Over on ‘The Actual U.S. President’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — This morning, President Donald Trump unleashed another torrent of ...

Jeff Sessions Can Finally Unwind, Smoke a Doob, and Forget About Persecuting Brown People Awhile

GREEN FIELD SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA — Just after former Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced his ...

Soldier Deployed At Border Hopes His Kevlar Vest Is Rock-Proof

LOS CHINGADORES DE CULEROS NARANJOS, TEXAS — Since last week, President Donald Trump has ...

White House Offers Compromise: Birthright Citizenship For White Babies Only

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, President Donald Trump set the American political scene on ...