James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Michael Avenatti’s New Client Says Trump Sexually Assaulted Her In Front of Hundreds at CPAC

NORTH HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA — The attorney who represented Stormy Daniels in multiple suits against ...

Trump Regrets Lying About Lying About Telling Michael Cohen to Lie About Him Lying

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Donald Trump came down from the White House’s presidential residence ...

Kraft Apologizes for Paying to Have Balls Deflated

CHOWDER, MASSACHUSETTS — A spokesperson for Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots ...

Barack Obama and The Clintons Sue Breitbart, InfoWars, and Fox News for Defamation

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — In a stunning, unforeseen development, former President Barack Obama ...

McConnell Confident Trump Can Fit His Entire Dick In There

WASHINGTON, D.C. — At a hastily convened press conference this afternoon, Senate Majority Leader ...

Trump Still Memorizing State Names Ahead of SOTU Address

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources in the White House are indicating that President Trump is ...