Friday, November 26, 2021
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AUTHOR NAME

James Schlarmann

872 POSTS
1 COMMENTS
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Absolute Monsters Have Masked Stranger Inject 10 Year Old, Protecting Her From Deadly Pandemic

SALK LAKE, CALIFORNIA -- Eyewitnesses say they were "stunned," and their friends and family have expressed some surprise as well. When it was all...

Super Brave, Heavily Armed Patriot Too Cowardly to Shout ‘Fuck Joe Biden!’ at NASCAR Race

BEDFORD FOREST, MICHIGAN -- He estimates that he has roughly six dozen guns, though he brings in new weaponry to his militia's armory so...

Brandon Can’t Go, Because He Got COVID, Took Horse Dewormer for It, and Died

In what could be devastating news for millions of Confederate Americans, Brandon has died. Despite weeks of public encouragement from pro-MAGA Americans -- including...

Which of These Adorable Outfits Goes Best With Kyrsten Sinema’s Depraved Indifference to Human Suffering?

Arizona Senator Kyrsten Sinema (D?-AZ) has made quite the name of herself since ousting fellow Republican Martha McSally. Sinema has surprised many who presumed...

Anti-Condom Protesters Storm Porn Set and Demand Actor Be Allowed to Raw Dog Co-Stars

SLAM FERNANDO VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A group of angry protesters, insisting they were there to represent "freedom of medical choice," were escorted forcefully from...

Have You Seen Any Job Openings Where I Can Kill People While Unvaccinated?

The following editorial was submitted to this publication by Officer Darrel Dicchest, who just last week announced that he would be retiring from the...

Facebook Hopes Rebranding Itself “WhiteNationalistDumpsterFireBook” Helps Somehow

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Facing mounting pressure after a slew of reputation damaging news stories, social media giant Facebook is in the midst...

U.S. Marshalls Begin Checking Under Bridges for Steve Bannon

Former Trump campaign manager and White House adviser Steve Bannon is hiding out from the bipartisan January 6th Committee, refusing to be served a...

Hell Does Not Welcome Colin Powell as a Liberator

HELL -- When recently deceased former Secretary of State and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell's soul made it to its...

Dave Chapelle’s Therapist Confident She’ll Send Her Kids to Ivy League Schools

We can't reveal her real name, but recently one of our reporters sat down with comedian Dave Chapelle's therapist. For the purposes of reporting...

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