James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Police Union Suggests Banning Camera Phones Would Eliminate Brutality and Excessive Force

LA VALLE DE PUERCA, CALIFORNIA — The United National Fraternity of Law Enforcement, one ...

NASCAR Assures Fans They’ll See Confederate Flag Before Every Final Lap

DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA — Yesterday, NASCAR announced that it was banning the display of ...

Alphabet Announces New Porn-Only Web Browser Called “Google Cream”

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — For years now, millions of users have surfed websites ...

Bill Gates Announces Windows COVID-19 Operating System

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON — In just a couple of weeks, Microsoft will launch its newest ...

World Shocked to Discover Billionaire Just Entitled Sociopath Asshole

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Billionaire and Likely Cartoon Villain Elon Musk wanted his ...

Local Militia Group Preparing to Liberate Chick-Fil-A Dining Room From Coronavirus Lockdown

SISTER BANGER, KENTUCKY — They don’t know exactly when, but the members of Kentucky’s ...

Protesters Demand Right to Congregate During Zombie Outbreak

ROMERO, MICHIGAN — A group of about three hundred took to their local city ...

Dipshits Flock to Beaches to Help Stop Stopping Spread of Coronavirus

Researchers at the Centers For Uncontrolled Diseases excitedly announced today that, thanks to this ...