James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Kirstjen Nielsen Filling Out Employment Application At On The Border Mexican Grill

GOLD HILLS, VIRGINIA — Former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen will be ...

Barr Says He Has Evidence of OJ Simpson’s Innocence, But American Public Can’t See It

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General William Barr held a press conference today and made ...

Barr Says Mueller Report Exonerates Hillary Clinton for Benghazi, Uranium One, Assassin Career

WASHINGTON, D.C. — First Attorney General William Barr summarized the Robert Mueller’s two-year long ...

McCain Leads Trump in Early 2020 Polling

In a new poll that was just published, the late Senator John McCain (R-AZ) ...

Mr. Ivanka Trump Continues His Twitter Feud With Mr. Crypt Keeper

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The entirety of alleged billionaire Mr. Ivanka Trump’s presidency has been ...

DNC Wants Bernie Sanders to Take Blood Oath and Kiss Chair’s Ring Before Trying to Help the Party Win

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, several key outlets reported that Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT), has ...

Michael Avenatti’s New Client Says Trump Sexually Assaulted Her In Front of Hundreds at CPAC

NORTH HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA — The attorney who represented Stormy Daniels in multiple suits against ...

Trump Regrets Lying About Lying About Telling Michael Cohen to Lie About Him Lying

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Donald Trump came down from the White House’s presidential residence ...