James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Will Only Pardon Turkey That Voted For Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, President Donald Trump said that he would continue a ...

Obama Releases List of States That Have Legally Barred Him From Running Charities

SECRET COMMUNIST SHARIA BUNKER, KENYA — Former President Barack Hussein Obama has, for the ...

Tennessee Man Suing To Shut Down His Local Taco Bell Because It’s ‘Too Mexican’

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — When right-wing podcaster, YouTube sensation, and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins ...

Trump Wants Purple Heart for Getting Ego Bruised by Impeachment

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a closed-door deposition this week, Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman gave ...

Crypt Keeper Going As Kellyanne Conway For Halloween This Year

KASSIR FALLS, CALIFORNIA — Each year, residents The Crypt Keeper’s sleepy California town take ...

Mark Zuckerberg Probably Won’t Mind Us Publishing That He Fucks Sheep on Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of Facebook, enjoys fucking sheep. At least we’re pretty ...