Thursday, June 24, 2021
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AUTHOR NAME

James Schlarmann

793 POSTS
1 COMMENTS
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Doctors Marvel: Lobotomy Somehow Leaves Man Twice as Smart as Marjorie Taylor Greene

PHARDT'S PEAK, GEORGIA -- Every doctor we interviewed was completely unable to explain how it happened. By all accounts, having half of his brain...

McConnell Accuses Americans Asking to Have Their Votes Counted of a ‘Naked Power Grab’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressional Republicans have been fighting H.R. 1 -- the updated Voting Rights Act passed in the late Congressman Jon Lewis' name...

Bishop Suggests Biden Help Him Cover-Up Sex Abuse If He Wants to Take Communion

If the president wants to take communion, Bishop Richard Tugger suggests that Joe Biden "get more involved" with the archdiocese and help the church...

MyPillow Guy: Sasquatch Will Swear Trump Back Into Office by the End of August

By the end of August, MyPillow CEO and 2002 Crack Weekly's "Crackhead of the Year" Mike Lindell says that Donald Trump will be president again. This...

Mexico Offers to Pay to Upgrade Texas’ Electrical Grid

When former one-term, twice-permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump left office, he left having not fulfilled one of his chief campaign promises. The "great"...

Trump Asks Biden How Putin Was Looking These Days and If He’s Seeing Anyone Else

The President of the United States held his first face-to-face summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin today. Shortly after the summit broke up, reportedly...

Dana Rohrabacher Says He Only Attended Trump’s Insurrection to ‘Lend Moral and Tactical Support’

On January 6th, 2021, former President Donald Trump threw up the most significant Hail Mary pass in the history of the United States, but...

McEnany: “I Only Lied Every Time I Didn’t Tell The Truth”

This morning, former White House Bullshit Secretary Kayleigh McEnany continued her public defense of her reputation, and the job she did while working for...

Cruz: “Why Hasn’t The Vice President Visited the Border So We Can Criticize What She Does There?”

Appearing on Newsmax TV, Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) lashed out at Vice President Kamala Harris for not visiting the southern border between the United...

Biden Tells Space Force to Stop Pointing Telescope at Ivanka’s Bedroom

President Joe Biden ordered Space Force to "immediately reposition" a massive telescope  miles away from the Earth's orbit and point it away from the...

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