Friday, November 26, 2021
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AUTHOR NAME

James Schlarmann

872 POSTS
1 COMMENTS
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Tucker Carlson: Dark Meat ‘Doesn’t Belong’ Next to White Meat on His Dinner Plate

When Fox News host Tucker Carlson sits down to eat Thanksgiving Dinner with his entire klan tomorrow, there better not be a single scrap...

Judge Schroeder Invites Rittenhouse Over for Thanksgiving Dinner

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- This morning, Alternative Facts reported that Wendy Rittenhouse, mother of acquitted murderer Kyle Rittenhouse, wasn't sure which table her son should sit at...

Wisconsin Legalizes Murder While White

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- Though it's not how laws are traditionally written in the state, a jury in Wisconsin has made the act of committing...

Local Idiot Thinks Presidents Control Gas Prices

BARONTOWN, MISSISSIPPI -- Town moron and well-known local idiot Matthew Palumricci admits that he has no earthly clue how, exactly, prices in the oil...

Wyoming GOP Boots Liz Cheney for Supporting Their Fiscal Sociopathy, But Not Coup Attempts

JONESTOWN, IOWA -- The Republican Party of Iowa voted by narrow two-vote margin yesterday to officially unrecognize Rep. Liz Cheney as a member of...

Santa Claus Tells Man It’s Time to Stop Believing in Made Up Things Like Trump Won

GREEN VALLEY, ARKANSAS -- This weekend, St. Nick, otherwise known as Santa Claus, had one what one eyewitness described as a "tense but ultimately...

We Asked Doctors and EMTs to Explain How Rittenhouse Could Render First Aid With His AR-15

A key component of accused double-murderer Kyle Rittenhouse's defense has been painting the teenaged male as someone whose overwhelming worry about the riots taking...

Rittenhouse Fires Attorneys, Says Judge is Doing ‘Good Enough Job’ Without Them

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- In a stunning turn of events, accused double murderer Kyle Rittenhouse has fired his defense attorneys, just hours before closing arguments...

Biden Says Treasury Will Add “In Soros We Trust” to All Currency

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden has directed the United States Treasury to prepare the necessary paperwork and draw up new plans for adding...

Warden Denies MTG Conjugal Visit With January 6th Attackers, Citing Illegality of Horse Fucking

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is no stranger to being denied access to the people currently being held in federal...

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