Tuesday, April 13, 2021
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AUTHOR NAME

James Schlarmann

751 POSTS
1 COMMENTS
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Confused by Gaetz Paying Someone BEFORE They Had Sex With Him

"I usually gotta cut them a six figure check after we're done so they don't tell anyone how small it is."

GOP Chair: ‘White Lives Matter’ Rallies Draw Bigger Crowds When Trump Holds Them

The chair of the Republican Party thinks white lives matter rallies would draw bigger crowds if they brought back Donald Trump to speak at them.

Hawley: Biden’s Gun Orders Are Bullying His ‘Friends Who Visited the Capital’ on January 6th

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Any Democratic president who issues executive orders on guns likely expects some rather forceful pushback and criticism on those orders from...

Shapiro: “Democrats Are Racist for Implying Minorities Can’t Get Around Republican Cheating on Their Own!”

Ben Shapiro doesn't think laws that disproportionately impact minorities are racist. People who make others aware of the laws are the real racists.

Jim Jordan Travels Through Time to Call Montgomery Bus Boycott ‘Woke Cancel Culture’

From December 1955 to December 1956, the Montgomery Bus Boycott, famously started when Rosa Parks was asked (and refused) to cede her seat to...

Republican Party Developing Its Own App for Sex Payments

The Republican Party has begun work on developing its own proprietary payment app, which it will require politicians in the GOP to use when...

Chauvin’s Attorney: “How Was My Client to Know George Floyd Didn’t Have Lungs In His Feet?”

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA -- An attorney for accused murderer and former officer Derek Chauvin asked a question of a witness today that, perhaps, nobody had...

Matt Gaetz Wanted to Catch COVID-17 Instead

Last year, Matt Gaetz contracted the COVID-19 virus after mocking prevention efforts, but he was hoping he'd get a different variant.

Noem Says She Doesn’t See Trans People Any Differently Than Everyone Else She Let Die From Covid

PIERRE, SOUTH DAKOTA -- This week, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem signed an executive order banning biological males from playing in sports leagues designed...

The Time Someone Bought an Election With Bottles of Water

Maybe Republicans have a reason to be suspicious of people getting bottled water while waiting in line to vote.

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