Saturday, October 23, 2021
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Monthly Archives: October, 2021

Have You Seen Any Job Openings Where I Can Kill People While Unvaccinated?

The following editorial was submitted to this publication by Officer Darrel Dicchest, who just last week announced that he would be retiring from the...

Facebook Hopes Rebranding Itself “WhiteNationalistDumpsterFireBook” Helps Somehow

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Facing mounting pressure after a slew of reputation damaging news stories, social media giant Facebook is in the midst...

U.S. Marshalls Begin Checking Under Bridges for Steve Bannon

Former Trump campaign manager and White House adviser Steve Bannon is hiding out from the bipartisan January 6th Committee, refusing to be served a...

Hell Does Not Welcome Colin Powell as a Liberator

HELL -- When recently deceased former Secretary of State and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell's soul made it to its...

Dave Chapelle’s Therapist Confident She’ll Send Her Kids to Ivy League Schools

We can't reveal her real name, but recently one of our reporters sat down with comedian Dave Chapelle's therapist. For the purposes of reporting...

William Shatner Boldly Goes Where No Other Over-Actor Has Gone Before

Today, 90-year-old William Shatner boarded one of billionaire Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin spaceships and made history. While he became the oldest man to ever...

“Small Government” Governor Dictates to Private Companies What They Can Do About COVID-19

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- "Herp derp! Me small government conservative! Me hate socialism! Me want keep government from being tie-ran-ickle," Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said...

Native Spends Columbus Day Telling Americans to Go Back Where They Came From

FALLBROOK, CALIFORNIA -- Tommy Curro, a member of the Pala Native American Tribe, made local headlines today when he stood out on the corner...

New Texas Law Prevents Women From Taking Laxatives Before 9 Months of Constipation

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- This week, a federal judge temporarily blocked Texas' ban on abortions after six weeks. The new law had garnered quite a bit...

Donald Trump Wins Not Just One, But Two Nobel Prizes

OSLO, NORWAY -- It finally happened. This morning, after years of openly campaigning for one, former one term, twice forever impeached President Donald Trump has...

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