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Monthly Archives: January, 2021

Trump Orders Jack Tweeter Arrested for Treason

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It was no surprise when the order came from the Oval Office at just after sunrise this morning. When Twitter decided...

Cruz Says He and His Ugly Wife Are Appalled By Pro-Trump Violent Mob He Incited

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- Just days before the violent pro-Trump mob ransacked the capitol building, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Taint) was riling up angry Republicans...

Betsy Devos Confident She’s Leaving the Education Department in a ‘Much More Gooder Place’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- She was quite literally almost not confirmed, and for her entire tenure as this nation's Secretary of Education, wealthy Republican donor...

Biden Says Stacey Abrams Can Be “Secretary of Whatever the Fuck She Wants”

In just 14 days, Joe Biden will become the 46th President of the United States of America. When that happens, there can be no...

Ted Cruz Hands Arsonist Gas and Matches and Tells Him to Stop Setting Fire to Stuff

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He would later tell reporters he "wasn't quite sure what was thinking," but today Senator Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Taint) found...

FDA Approves New Drug for Patriots Suffering from Insurrectile Dysfunction

Did you recently storm the capitol, vandalize it, harass the police, and act like a total moron for a few hours until the FBI...

Mike Pence Will Certify Biden’s Win, But Not Take Trump’s Dong Out of His Mouth First

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This might the toughest spot Mike Pence has found himself in since he "accidentally" stumbled upon a late-night broadcast of the...

Mexico Issues $0.00 Check For Final Wall Payment

This story was first published on Alternatively Facts, and is reprinted below with their expressed, written permission. MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- When he ran for president...

Mexico Offers to Pay for Trump’s Movers

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- The Mexican government has offered to foot the bill for any company hired to move outgoing President Donald Trump's belongings...

Trump Tells His Kids He Expects To Be Called “President Daddy” The Rest of His Life

ALL OR PARTS OF THIS STORY WERE FIRST PUBLISHED BY OUR SISTER SITE, ALTERNATIVE FACTS. IT IS USED WITH FULL PERMISSION BELOW. WASHINGTON, D.C. --...

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