NEVADA — Why in the world is it taking it so long for Nevada to count its votes? That’s the question on many Americans’ minds, no matter who they voted for this past Tuesday. As most of the other states’ results seem to be shaping up, as of the time of reporting, the State of Nevada is still at just about 85% of the their votes having been counted. However, according to one state official this morning, there’s a very easy explanation for why the state hasn’t reported a new count count in a little over a day.
“This is really quite easy to explain,” Nevada State Vice Deputy Media Chairperson Kaitlynn Solo told reporters today. “In 2018, we passed a law in the State of Nevada that requires every single citizen within our borders to inspect and approve each counted ballot. As you can imagine, it can take some time for over a million votes to be inspected and approved by over three million Nevada residents.”
Things were “running along quite smoothly” as of this morning, Solo said. However, there have been a few hiccups along the way.
“Finding Trump supporters who can read in order to do their duty and inspect and approve the ballots has proven to be a little challenging,” Solo said. “As you can imagine, it slows down the process to an absolute crawl having to explain things, line by line on the ballot, to Trumpers. But we believe in the rule of law and electoral integrity, so we will have every single, solitary Nevadan inspect every single ballot. It’s just the Nevada way.”
It’s unclear at this time who has won the state’s Electoral College votes. No media major news outlet has projected a winner between Biden and Trump, however as the official posted counts stand, the former Vice President holds an extremely thin, roughly eight thousand vote lead over Trump, but that is with only about 85% of the vote tally reported.
“Everyone just need to have a little patience with us, okay? This is the home of legalized gambling and whoring,” Solo explained, “so a lot of us are a little too busy to hop right on it. The good news is that I’m being told the state’s emergency cocaine supply has been tapped, and that should start speeding things up tremendously.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.