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Monthly Archives: November, 2020

After Playing Fetch With Tiffany, Trump Says His Bone Spurs Feel Just Fine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Outgoing President Donald J. Trump is resting comfortably, and White Doctors say his bone spurs are feeling fine, after he played...

Cruz Warns Democrats Might Try to Steal Future Elections With More Votes than Republicans

RIO PINCHE CULERO, TEXAS -- Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Taint) warned Americans during a Facebook live video session with a conservative pundit that they...

Trump Grants Permission to John Barron to Concede to Joe Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, almost three full weeks after losing his re-election bid, President Donald Trump authorized the Government Services Administration to begin the...

The Klan Told McEnany She’s ‘Too Full of Shit’ to Work For Them

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Someday very soon, White Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany is going to need a new gig. Despite all of her current boss's...

Sidney Powell Easily Connects Dots Between Hugo Chavez, Biden, and the Loch Ness Monster

Nobody thought she could do it. They all said she was "crazy." Some said she merely "looks like a buck toothed, drawling fuckwit" and...

Zuckerberg Says He Can’t Ban Steve Bannon Until He Orders the Killing of At Least 15% of Facebook’s Users

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Not long ago, Twitter permanently banned former Trump administration official Steve Bannon when he publicly called for the beheading...

Trump Assures Ivanka She’ll Always Be His First Lady and Bottom Bitch

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- None of the legal proceedings initiated by the Trump campaign have resulted in any reported results or projections being changed or...

Eric Trump: “You Can Tell The Election Was Rigged Because Daddy Didn’t Win!”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Eric Trump, the third-most intelligent male crotch fruit of President Donald J. Trump, is convinced that the election was...

Citing Pending Litigation, the Black Knight Refuses to Concede

THE FORESTS OF ENGLAND -- Despite the fact that he is now without arms and legs, the Black Knight has decided to let his...

McConnell: “Maybe I’m a Wrinkly Fuckstick Traitor. But That Doesn’t Mean Trump Shouldn’t Contest Every State He Lost.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a moment of unforeseen and rare candor, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell admitted that he is a "wrinkly fuckstick traitor,"...

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