Man Dumbfounded That Clothes Left Next to Hamper Are Still Washed and Folded

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO — A Colorado man has reported miraculous laundry patterns in his home, which until recently remained largely unexplained. Despite the fact that he constantly drops his dirty clothes next to the hamper in his room, and just leaves them there, the clothes continue to get laundered, folded and put away time and time again.

“I mean, I thought it was a fluke when it happened the first time, but when it just kept happening? This is literally the best hamper I’ve ever owned!” said Bob of Colorado Springs, CO.

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It was at this point when his new live-in girlfriend, Tina, offered her testimony.

“Really, Bob? Don’t you think maybe someone else, other than you, could be taking care of the laundry,” Tina asked Bob.

Bob refuted this possibility immediately, arguing that it’s not possible because he used to pick the clothes up off the floor eventually, and do his own laundry all the time, until Tina moved in and brought with her this new miraculous hamper. How could she be so daft in the face of these divine spiritual events in their home, Bob wondered.

He further justified the phenomenon by citing an eerily similar experience he had in the summer of 2016 when he was staying at his parent’s house.

“It’s like I have chore Angels all around me,” Bob said, “because no matter how many times my Mom asked me to do my dishes in the kitchen sink, they would ALWAYS get done before I had a chance to get to them!”

We reached out to Bob’s mother, Margaret for comment.

“Maybe doing everything for my son even though he was capable of doing it himself, turned him into a pampered man-child, but I just hate repeating myself,” she yielded.

Bob is now safely quarantined with his hamper after Tina moved out. She may not be a believer, but at least she was able to procure this blessed hamper by either Serendipity or just dumb luck. Either way, this has deepened Bob’s faith in his chore Angels; he’s not parting with this peculiar plastic vessel of hope anytime soon.

Sorry Tina.

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  • Tiffany is a native Southern Californian comic and SDSU alum, who tends to say the quiet thing loud in reporting on real observations and fake interviews. Her offerings are here for your amusement, so don't overthink them because she certainly didn't.

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