Online Petition Requesting CBC Cut Trump Out of “The White House” Reaches 150 Million Signatures

CANADA — The Canadian Broadcasting Company edited out then-Citizen Donald Trump’s cameo in the Christmas sequel Home Alone 2 back in 2014. Cutting Trump’s minor, extremely short appearance in the John Hughes follow-up to his smash hit Home Alone was made at the same time the CBC made other cuts.

Unable to control his famous verbal diarrhea, Trump himself used the power of his Twitter account, and the office he holds, to weigh-in on having his part trimmed out of the broadcast.

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Right-wing media outlets, fueled by Trump’s tweets to salve what can be assumed is his bruised ego over the issue, have wondered if there wasn’t some larger conspiracy at play. According to the CBC, several cuts were made to the film that allowed them to pare it down for time. Scenes were considered for removal if they were deemed to not be integral to the plot. However, Fox News hosts, among others, accused the Canadian broadcasters of a form of “censorship.” Certain elements may never accept the official explanation for Trump being removed from Home Alone 2, and a new online petition that has already garnered over 150 million peoples’ signatures is likely to only stir up more controversy.

The petition, found on changeitup.org’s website, seeks help from the CBC in cutting Trump out of something else — The White House.

“Obviously the CBC has no constitutional authority in the United States to remove presidents, no matter who they are, from office,” a spokesperson for the CBC told reporters this morning. “Even though an informal poll among our executive board shows a unanimous belief that President Trump’s crimes against his country’s separation of powers are well-documented enough to warrant his removal, unfortunately for those southern neighbors of ours who have IQs above their belt sizes, their only hope is now Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and the Republican-controlled Senate. Our deepest condolences on this news.”

It’s unclear who exactly uploaded the petition to the website first, but within hours, more than fifty million signatures had been collected. In a matter of days, more than 100 million had signed, and at the time of publication over 150 million people had lent their names to the cause. No matter how many signatures the petition collects, however, the CBC reiterated that it cannot legally remove Trump from office.

“The power to remove Trump comes from two places,” the CBC said in a letter. “Firstly, the voters can remove him from office in next year’s election. The Electoral College still existing, combined with the fact that certain parts of the U.S. never got over losing the Civil War and/or being forced to learn things in school, make that option problematic, of course. The second option would be for Senator McConnell and his fellow Republicans to open their eyes, unplug their ears, take Trump’s shpep out of their mouths and/or sphincters, and convict him in a fair trial in the Senate. Given the issues with these two options, the CBC can surely sympathize with their plight, but we must reiterate, we have no authority whatsoever in this regard.”

The White House has already issued a scathing response to the petition.

“The president and his minions are highly insulted by this petition, and we immediately demand it be broughten down,” the White House said in a fifteen page letter, handwritten in crayon, “immediately. Or we will nuke whatever country the servers are in, even if that’s in America, because they are probably in some cucky state that didn’t go for Trump in 2016. As a reminder, all states are hereby ordered to give their Electrical College votes to Trump this time around, or they will suffer the consequences, Bigly. Attorney General Billy Barr says this is all very cool, and very legal, because Trump is president, and you are not.”

As of the time of publication, the petition is still up, and thousands of signatures a minute are being added to it.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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