WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and her late model sedan have made yet another surprise appearance, this time outside the courthouse in which Roger Stone, a longtime Republican political operative with deep ties to not only President Donald Trump, but also Richard Nixon, was convicted on several federal charges.
Stone was convicted on charges including lying to congress and witness intimidation. In a moment of unplanned coincidence, just as Stone was getting the news that he was being found guilty on all the counts against him, President Trump lashed out on Twitter and attacked Ambassador Marie Yovanovich, who was at the time giving testimony in a public impeachment hearing. Many considered the tweets to be the same kind of witness intimidation Stone was being convicted of at roughly the same type.
Stone, a political operative, was found guilty of all seven counts brought by the Justice Department, a victory for special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation. Stone was found guilty on five counts of lying to Congress, one of witness tampering, and one of obstructing a Congressional committee proceeding. (CNN)
Secretary Clinton reportedly started circling the courthouse in her sedan, leaning out the window and shouting at Stone, who may not even be there still.
“Gonna lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up,” Clinton could be heard shouting over and over again. “How’s it feel Roger? How’s it feel for the biggest ratfucker alive to be fucked, huh Rog? How you feeling big guy? Gonna lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!”
It’s presumed that Ms. Clinton is referencing similar chants made about her, started at Trump campaign rallies by Mr. Stone and other Trump surrogates. Throughout the 2016 presidential election season, Clinton was painted as someone who should be facing criminal charges for her use of a personal email server to handle state business. Though she would ultimately be cleared by the FBI of any criminal wrongdoing, many right-wing pundits and politicians have continued to insist she belongs in jail.
Despite that, Mr. Trump’s campaign has seen a handful of key figures put on trial, and either plead guilty or convicted, as in Stone’s case, of multiple offenses.
“You projecting piece of shit,” Clinton could be heard yelling at Stone, “Who’s crooked now, you dipshit? Who’s the crooked one now? Huh?”
It’s unclear how Ms. Clinton got to the courthouse so quickly. Some right-wing radio and TV hosts have suggested she used either some of her powers granted to her by Satan, and others have suggested she used the voodoo magic that she learned while working in President Barack Obama’s cabinet. At any rate, sources say she was there almost immediately after Stone’s conviction was announced, and circled for about an hour or so.
Secretary Clinton apparently isn’t just trolling Stone, however. Apparently she she’s also been shouting consolation at him as well.
“Don’t worry Roger! You’ve already made it clear you love to cover yourself in orange anyway,” Clinton shouted. “I think you’ll be just fine.”
Clinton did jab Stone for what she said is his “ultimate hypocrisy.”
“Then again, it is pretty ironic that you’re going to be relying on the state for all your clothing, shelter, and meals for awhile, Roger,” Clinton said. “How’s it feel to be a moocher, Roger? You’re a taker now Roger! But don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you. I’ll still fight for your rights. I’ll still fight to make sure you get the dignity you deserve, you convicted-ass-piece-of-shit.”
Clinton sped away at that point, flashing her outstretched left middle finger at Stone as she did.
“GONNA LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP,” Clinton could be heard as her car got further and further away from the courthouse.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.