WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning the Trump administration announced that First Sons Donald Jr. and Eric Trump will be participating in a new tradition at the White House for Halloween this year. The Trump sons will be waiting on the White House front lawn and as trick-or-treating children approach to get candy, they will jump out and scare the trick-or-treaters. At a press conference this morning, their costumes were also revealed.
“At first we thought about going as big game hunters,” Eric said, with pride flowing from his words, “but Diddums said we can’t have our big bang bang sticks for s’curity reasons or something, so we decided to be ghosts!”
Donald Trump Jr. smacked his lips down over his overbite and chimed in too.
“Yeah! Big, pointy-headed scary white ghosts,” Don Jr. said, also with pride dripping from his voice.
The ghost costumes will be sewn by none other than Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who told the administration he had “plenty of materials” to use. Sessions said his great-grandpappy also made costumes like these ones, and taught his son, who taught Session’s father, who then passed the “rich tradition” onto the Attorney General.
“Growing up in Alabama as a young white kid in the 40’s and 50’s,” Sessions said, “you saw a lot of these ghost costumes, and boy did I just love the nice men who wore them.”
The Trump boys will also be carrying special, Trump themed Halloween torches, and will set a giant, lowercase T on fire on the White House lawn.
“You know, for Trump and shit,” Don Jr. said, drool falling from his overbite.
When asked, the Trump sons said that their sister had been asked to take part, but that she was requested to be by the president’s side the entire night, handing out candy.
“That’s what the mommies and daddies do on Halloween,” Eric said as Don Jr. smiled, laughed, and clapped along.
But what about Tiffany Trump, the boys were asked. Was she invited?
“Who? Who is that? I’ve never heard of a Tiffany Trump before,” Don Jr. said, “that must be what daddy calls FAKE NEWS!”
This story is developing.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.