McCain Leads Trump in Early 2020 Polling

In a new poll that was just published, the late Senator John McCain (R-AZ) would handily defeat incumbent President Donald Trump in a head-to-head match up.

The poll, conducted by leading survey firm We Poll You So Good and ABC News, shows that if the election were held today, and the only two candidates on the ballot were McCain and Trump, the deceased former Arizona senator would wipe the hypothetical floor with Trump. By a margin of 75% to 23%, the corpse of Sen. McCain would beat out Trump, making him the second one-term president in 30 years, and the first since fellow Republican George H.W. Bush was defeated by Bill Clinton in 1992.

“These poll results are quite striking,” We Poll You’s chief media contact Skip Malloy told us. “Because they show beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a bipartisan consensus. Most Americans would prefer a rotting, decomposing, lifeless human being to a technically alive, but clearly brain-dead human.”

A lot of respondents said they trusted a corpse to act more presidential and use more common sense than Trump has so far.

“A dead body probably isn’t going to defend white supremacists as having some good people too, for instance,” Malloy pointed out. “And considering how much McCain hated Putin, you know he wouldn’t be sucking up to him, or Kim Jong-Un. People tended to like that, at least.”

The rancor between the pair started during the 2016 election. Not only did Trump insult the war time service of McCain, who unlike Trump actually served in Vietnam when his draft number was called, McCain was the one who helped deliver Christopher Steele’s infamous dossier on Trump’s potential ties to Russia to the FBI. While Trump uses that incident to pin the entirety of the Mueller investigation on McCain, the reality is that the FBI didn’t engage Robert Mueller until Trump fired former director James Comey and said in an interview with Lester Holt on NBC that he did it specifically because of the Russia investigation.

“We didn’t try to hide the fact that McCain is dead, either,” Malloy said. “In fact, when a lot of folks realized that McCain is dead, they switched their support from Trump to McCain. Some folks didn’t switch their answer until they saw their tax refunds, and some didn’t switch until they were reminded that Trump’s tariff war with China is costing farmers billions of dollars. The bottom line, is that a whole lot of people would rather put a dead man in the Oval Office than a conman next time around.”

Malloy said that even people who don’t and didn’t agree with McCain’s political views when he was alive would vote for him if he was the only other option against Trump.

“People would literally vote for any other human being than Trump, dead or alive, it seems,” Malloy explained. “A lot of them said they’d rather fight the devil they know than the unhinged, drunken, angry toddler with a handgun in the Oval Office. So there’s that.”

The White House dismissed the results of this poll.

“First of off, who the hell said Americans can just willy-nilly give their opinions on stuff,” Sarah Huckabee Sanders asked reporters as she entered the White House this morning. “Second of off, when we want the American people’s opinions, we’ll ask for them.”

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.


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