NEW YORK, NEW YORK — In a stunning, unforeseen development, former President Barack Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton have filed a joint lawsuit in federal court, alleging that right-wing media outlets engaged in a pattern of “serial defamation and slander” of the two Democrats. At a press conference announcing the suit, Barry Biggleson, an associate attorney at the firm representing Obama and Clinton, explained the impetus for the suit, as well as a handful of the particulars.
“For many years, Fox News, Breitbart, and InfoWars have engaged in a repeated pattern of smear-jobs, hit pieces, and outright defamation and slander,” Mr. Biggleson read from a statement at the press conference. “Whether it was insinuating Barack Obama was a secret Kenyan communist, his wife was transgender — as if being transgender is something be ashamed of anyhow — and and making up any number of easily debunked conspiracy theories about him. But the non-stop vicious attacks against Hillary Clinton are really damning.”
Biggleson reminded reporters that right-wing media have spent decades calling Hillary Clinton a literal murderer. They have implicated Ms. Clinton in various crimes, and have generally hounded and assailed her at every opportunity they are afforded.
“And through it all, neither of my clients sued the press, because unlike certain little white boys and their privileged families, they respected freedom of the press enough not to attack the news media for reporting the news,” Biggleson explained. “Now that the Sandmann kid is suing The Washington Post for reporting a news story, though, we figure people who were actually defamed might have a better shot at winning their lawsuit.”
This week, the family of Nick Sandmann, the MAGA hat wearing, smirking boy at the center of a controversial viral video, filed a lawsuit against The Washington Post seeking $250 million — a sum their legal team admits in the filing they came up with because that’s how much Jeff Bezos paid for the paper. The suit alleges that the Post willfully smeared Sandmann, who they say has been cleared of any wrongdoing by a third party investigation done at the behest of the Catholic boys school that Sandmann attends. The legal bar for defamation against a news outlet is extraordinarily high.
Former President Bill Clinton is also attached to the suit.
“If they weren’t going after his wife for the last 30 years, they were going after Bill,” Biggleson said. “It only made sense to add him to the suit.”
“If you read Mr. Sandmann’s complaint, it sounds like a MAGA brochure, or a speech written by Stephen MIller,” Mr. Biggleson explained. “At least with our suit, it’s only politically motivated because the outlets we’re suing — Breitbart, InfoWars, and Fox News — actually did engage in politically motivated defamation of character against my clients. All The Post was doing was reporting on a story.”
Reached for comment, President Trump, who earlier in the day had tweeted support for Sandmann, called this new suit “fake news” and “prolly bigly illegal.”
“As far as I’ve been told, Democrats do not have the same rights as Republicans,” Trump told reporters. “And besides, I read on a certain website that rhymes with Feitfart that Crooked Hillary and Obama were actually the same person like Andy Kaufman and Bob Zamuda would do with Tony Clifton, so they should have to take one of their names off the suit, if you ask me, which no one did, but no one ever does and I just keep right on talking, so…”
This is a developing story.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.