BEDFORD FORREST, KENTUCKY — In the green, lush hills of his Kentucky hometown, Bart Biggington is a well-known member of the Ku Klux Klan, and he says most people in town don’t give him too much grief about it. Every now and then he’ll get into a verbal altercation with someone who sees him in public wearing a hood, though, and last week, Bart tells us that his 16 year old son Chad was accosted by a stranger the very first time he wore his own white klan hood in public.
“Chad was out there in front of a Planned Parenthood, minding his own business, shouting at women that it ain’t rape if she likes it and that they’re all murderous, cold fish bitches who won’t sleep with him just because he’s an incel who thinks their vagina literally makes them inferior,” Bart told us via Skype. “Next thing you know, some dudes walk up and start screaming at Chad. Saying all kindsa mean, fucked-up shit like he’s a racist, or a horrible human being, and my heart just sank when he came home and told me that.”
Bart was incensed when he found out that one of the men who confronted Chad was recording the interaction and posted it on YouTube. Biggington immediately contacted a PR firm to handle any fallout that might arise from the situation.
“No one has a right to judge my kid by what he wears. I don’t care if it’s a klan hood, a MAGA hat, or a swastika,” Biggington told us. “I mean, not that I’d have a problem wearing any of those…I actually have a very nice white linen coat my cousinwife got me for our fifth anniversary with a swastika on the front and Make America Great Again on the back. But my point is, just cuz my kid’s wearing one of those things, don’t make him someone you have a right to judge.”
In his view, Bart sees the First Amendment as something that only applies to Christians, white Christians more specifically.
“This is a Christian nation founded by white Christian men, so clearly when they said all men are created equal they meant all good, clean, ammo hoarding, Christian patriots are created equal,” Bart believes. “So Chad was within his constal-tooshin-al rights to spew his shit at people and act like a smug douche, and the First Amendment guarantees him the right to free speech and expression with zero consequences!”
Just because Chad wears a hood and robe, that doesn’t even make him racist, his father tells us.
“Hell, he might just be really into Casper the Friendly, Pointy-headed ghost,” Bart said. “I mean, he’s not, and he’s a totally racist person, but you shouldn’t go assuming that based on something he wears being adopted by racists!”
Biggington is very worried about the “angry liberal Demoncrat mob” coming after his son, just because he’s racist and thinks women aren’t equal to men.
“Since when did willingly wearing an outward symbol of racism, xenophobia, ignorance, bigotry, and white supremacy become behavior worthy of judgment,” Bark asked rhetorically. “If we don’t live in a country where my son can where something that identifies him as a racist without being called a racist, we don’t live in America anymore, fam!”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.