Court Filings Reveal FBI’s Code Name for Don Jr: Individual-IQ-1

BENEDICT, NEW YORK — Last week, court filings in FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller‘s prosecution of Michael Cohen, the former personal attorney for President Donald Trump, revealed that “Individual-1” — a pseudonym largely assumed to be for Trump himself — directed the commission of several federal campaign finance crimes.

The crimes were committed, Mueller’s team alleges, in order to cover up a series of sexual affairs that Trump had, in order to sway the election. While President Trump continues to deny any collusion with Russia, it seems clear now that Mueller believes Individual-1, whoever that may be, is at the center of a conspiracy to break campaign finance law, and given Cohen’s ties to Russia, there seems to be yet still more daylight for Mueller’s investigation to root out.

In a new twist, another set of documents were filed in court, and it’s believed that the FBI code name for the president’s eldest son was also revealed.

“On or about June of 2016, Individual-IQ-1 held a meeting at Trump Tower in New York,” the court filings read, “and would appear that more people attended that meeting than were at Individual-IQ-1’s father’s inauguration.”

There are more clues within the filings that seem to indicate it’s Donald Trump Jr. that the FBI calls “Individual-IQ-1.”

“It’s believed that at least some of the money changing hands between Russian oligarchs and Individual-IQ-1 would be allocated to a special, breakthrough surgery for a condition he’s suffered from his whole life,” the filings allege, “Chronic Jizz Face.”

Mr. Trump Jr. is one of the world’s most famous sufferers of CJF, which a rare disease that makes your face look like you got jizz in it that you weren’t expecting, all the time. In 1995, his father started the Trump CJF Cure Foundation, but to this day, though millions have been collected, only the Trump Tower office that the advocacy group rents has been upgraded. It’s unclear at this time what these new filings mean, however legal experts say it’s hard to deny who Individual-1, or Individual-IQ-1, are.

This is a developing story.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

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