Trump Jr. Tells Mueller He’ll Roll Over on ‘The Actual U.S. President’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — This morning, President Donald Trump unleashed another torrent of angry tweets about Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential election, with each tweet more and more caustic.

Mr. Mueller’s investigation has already resulted in several indictments, and a handful of former Trump campaign officials and advisers have signed cooperation agreements with it. The investigation also led to the indictment and eventual guilty pleas from Trump’s former lawyer, a man he’d referred to as his “fixer,” Michael Cohen. Despite the investigation bearing tangible prosecutorial fruit, Trump has repeatedly called it a witch hunt.

Trump’s morning tweet rant, seen below:

Many have openly wondered whether the increasing attacks from the president indicate that he believes more damaging information is still to come from Mueller. In fact, many are speculating that a high profile indictment, such as that of Trump’s son Donald Junior, might be forthcoming. To that end, it’s being reported by sources close to the situation that the younger Trump has already reached out to Mueller’s office with an offer to flip and “help bring the actual U.S. president to justice.”

“My client has made contact with Special Counsel Robert Mueller and asked him if there is any chance to avoid prosecution if he rolls over on the president,” Erwin Estupida, an attorney for the firm that represents Trump Jr., told reporters this morning. “We’re fairly certain that Mueller will be bigly interested in this deal, and we hope to hear from him soon.”

Shocked reporters asked Mr. Estupida if his client had fully reckoned with the notion of rolling over on his father. The question seemed to confuse Mr. Estupida.

“I’m confused by your question. What does my client rolling over on the American president have to do with his father,” Estupida asked. “You’ll have to explain to me how the guy who has been running the United States since January of 2017 being indicted would impact the father-son relationship between my client and his father.”

Members of the press, still confused by Estupida’s remarks, asked him to repeat the offer his client made to Mueller.

“Sure, no problem. My client has offered Mr. Mueller a deal in exchange for testimony that would incriminate the acting President of the United States of America,” Estupida said. “The guy calling the shots. The head honcho. The big cheese. The boss man.”

For thirty minutes, Mr. Estupida rattled off synonyms.

“So, you’re saying that your client is going to flip on the president to Special Counsel Mueller, and that it won’t have any impact on the relationship he has with his father? Will he at least be leaving the Trump Organization first,” one reporter asked.

A confused Estupida answered.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying, and again, why in the hell would this have to do with Donald Trump, Sr.,” Estupdia asked. “Now, if you’re asking me if the president has been notified? Of course he has. And I paid out of pocket for the letter we sent to be translated into perfect Russian and over-nighted to the Kremlin.”

Estpuida paused.

“Hopefully Mr. Putin understands this was the last thing my client wanted to do, but he has to, in the interest of his family and reputation,” Estupida said.

This is a developing story.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

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