Kavanaugh Pledges To Treat Cases Involving ‘Vile, Left-Wing Dangerous Lunatic Democrats’ Fairly

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Embattled Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh issued a statement today in hopes of quelling just some of the outrage and concern that fomented in the wake of his explosive, angry, politically charged, sniffling performance in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee last week. Kavanaugh was addressing the committee after Dr. Christine Blasey Ford gave powerful, credible testimony that he sexually assaulted her when the pair were in high school.

During Kavanugh’s statement, he tore into the proceedings, and accused Democrats of orchestrating Ford’s testimony as part of a vast, left-wing conspiracy. Some have wondered openly if a man who cannot separate himself emotionally from a highly-charged issue, and who is so free to condemn people he sees as his political adversary can be a truly impartial arbiter of cases that involve those same political adversaries. Kavanaugh’s statement is an apparent attempt to knock down those criticisms.

“Dear America, but I guess mostly the vile, left-wing savages who are trying to ruin my good public reputation by pointing out my well-documented private troublesome behavior,” Kavanaugh wrote. “Let me make one thing crystal clear to you libtards — and I use that word in the most professional, dispassionate, judicious way possible — I’ll be fair to everyone, no matter which party they belong to. Even the Demoncraps/Demonrats/Demotards/Libtarded Cuntfaces. Okay, assholes?”

Kavanaugh’s letter indicates that despite his tirade before the committee, he thinks he can be impartial.

“Vile, left-wing, dangerous, lunatics Democrats will be treated as fairly as frightened 17 year old immigrant girls who don’t want to be forced into a life of destitution because she’s pregnant and I won’t let her get an abortion,” Kavanaugh wrote. “So stick a sock in it, Democratic Fuckfaces.”

Senator Chuck Grassley (R-IA) called it the “most important and perfect letter” ever written by any American, anywhere.

This is a developing story.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals


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