LIBTARDED HOLLYWEIRDLAND, CALIFORNIA — Disney announced this morning that it is renewing its new partnership with right-wing conspiracy theorist and alleged journalist Mike Cernovich, after their first project was “an unmitigated success.”
“Mr. Cernovich came to us with an idea for a project — firing James Gunn because he dared to criticize Ben Shapiro on Twitter — and we just ran with it,” Disney’s Junior Media Liaison Skip Skaperdly told us this morning. “And that project went so well for us that we decided to work Mr. Cernovich again, this time a movie he’s been really dying to make for some time.”
Over the weekend, Cernovich and his network of far-right fans and friends dug up tweets that writer/director Gunn wrote and demanded that Disney fire him from all future “Guardians of the Galaxy” projects because of them. The tweets contained jokes offensive enough that Gunn himself addressed them and apologized for them. But that wasn’t good enough for Cernovich, or Disney.
“If there’s one thing Disney has always stood for, it’s supplicating white people so they don’t have to be confronted with things like reality,” Skaperdly reported. “So when it came time for us placate the angry, mouth-breathing mob that Mike leads, it was a real no-brainer for us. Give in to the guy who tells lies for a living, and fire James Gunn.”
The decision to bring Cernovich onto Disney’s payroll and allow him to write, direct, produce, and star in his own film for them, was an easy one for Disney, Skaperdly said.
“We just figured if we’re going to give Mike more power in society than he deserves, why not leverage the nexus of his fans and ours, and cravenly make some money together too,” Skaperdly explained. “Win-win situation right there.”
For his first project under the Disney banner, Mr. Cernovich has planned a biopic about the “Pizzagate” case, which he says is “still very real.”
“Now that Disney has given my warped worldview tacit approval, now that they have given my brand of lying, propaganda, and racism, sexism, and xenophobia legitimacy, I can’t wait to show the world the whole, unvarnished truth about the pedophile pizza ring that Hillary Clinton personally runs as a cover up for her killer-for-hire business she runs, even though she’s also totally a decrepit hag who is too weak to run the country,” Cernovich said. “I’ll be forever grateful to Disney for normalizing my shtick and firing someone for tweets they clearly knew about before they hired him. There’s nothing bottom dwelling scumbags like me love more than getting a tiny slice of relevancy and gravitas, and if it’s completely unearned and inappropriately given, that’s all the better!”
Once done with his “Pizzagate” biopic, Cernovich says he has a couple of other projects in mind.
“I’d love to bring one of my two favorite books to the big screen,” Cernovich said. “But I’m not sure if we can get the rights to ___ or Mein Kampf. But I won’t give up trying!”
This is a developing story.
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPost, Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.News, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals.