He Smoked Three Marijuana Cigarettes And STILL Couldn’t Shake The Feeling Life Is A Meaningless Series Of Tragedies Until You Die

SAND CASTLE SHORES, IDAHO — Terry Bonner lives in a state that has yet to legalize marijuana, but he lives within relative driving distance of more than one that has. The other weekend, Bonner tells us he took advantage of his geographic proximity to legal weed and bought himself enough of it to roll a handful of marijuana cigarettes, or “joints” as they are referred to by the youth of today.

“I had been feeling kind of uneasy about the real meaningless nature of this short, short existence we call call life, like it’s all just a series of tragedies that don’t really mean anything until the day you die,” Bonner told us in a phone interview. “I’d heard that marijuana can possibly relieve some of those feelings, so I took a chance, and drove down to Colorado for the weekend. Got myself a hotel room, and I planned to get high and watch cartoons all weekend, which I did.”

It was a fun time, Terry said. He laughed a lot, and he ate his “weight in Golden Grahams,” he joked. All told, Terry smoked three marijuana cigarettes. Each time he would partake in a bit of cannabis, his mood would lighten, and for an hour or so, he didn’t have the overwhelming sense of panic and angst about his own mortality that had gripped him since he was a small boy. The weed was good for him, Terry said.

“I don’t know man, it’s probably not for everyone, of course, and it isn’t a damn miracle drug,” Terry said. “For me though? It really was kind of magic how much better things were.”

Terry was ecstatic when he woke up Saturday morning after a night of smoking pot and watching Adult Swim and he didn’t have a hangover.

“If I drink a six pack or have a handful of cocktails, I’m going to be feeling it on some level the next day,” Terry said. “With this stuff, I was maybe a little groggy the next day, but nothing a good, strong cup of Joe couldn’t and didn’t fix.”

But when the weekend was over, and Terry was driving home in his 1987 Subaru hatchback, he noticed something that he said was “quite disappointing.”

“I don’t know what happened, but about two hours from home, all the old feelings just came back,” Terry said. “It’s almost like my problems exist no matter what I put in my body to ameliorate it. Which I don’t understand, but I’ve never been much of a scientist, so there you go.”

After a long moment of reflection, Terry summed his whole experience up.

“In the grand scheme of things, I guess life really is just a meaningless series of tragedies until you die,” Terry said. “At least that’s how it feels in my brain. At least I know I can travel a couple hours across state lines to a place where they’re less judgmental and weird about weed and relieve that shit for a few hours, I guess.”

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals


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