NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The network of lawyers working on the various legal proceedings associated with the Trump presidency has grown once more. Trump attorney Michael Cohen‘s attorneys, who are representing him during the criminal investigation into his activities related to the Trump campaign in 2016, have reportedly hired a new team of lawyers that will represent the team of lawyers already hired last week to represent them as they represent Cohen.
“At this point, there are more hands on this than a dildo in a lesbian porn shoot,” one attorney at the firm representing Cohen told us on the condition of anonymity. “It’s probably a good decision though. Seems like every week there’s a new wrinkle. First it’s Stormy, then it’s Karen McDougal, then a third Playmate, and then the RNC guy, and now Sean Hannity. It’s one of those cases that can boomerang on you, and the next thing you know, you’re in hot water yourself. Who knew cases involving collusion with a foreign adversary and money laundering for their oligarchs would be so complicated, eh?”
For years, Mr. Cohen has served as President Trump’s personal attorney. Cohen shot to notoriety during the 2016 presidential campaign, when he could be frequently seen on cable news networks as one of Trump’s biggest supporters. Things have taken quite a turn for the dramatic in Cohen’s life, however, when it was revealed that the FBI has been investigating Cohen for possible criminal activity for months following the FBI’s raid his office last week.
The raid was an extraordinarily rare step by the FBI because they seized documents and communications between Cohen and three clients — Trump, a Republican National Committee finance executive, and Fox News host Sean Hannity. Communications between attorneys and clients are considered privileged and not admissible in court in most circumstances, however exceptions are made if an attorney is suspected of helping a client in the commission of crimes.
“The firm hired a team of lawyers when the whole Stormy Daniels story broke,” our sources tells us. “We had to cover our own asses when all the campaign finance violation talks started swirling. But the raid last week showed us we need to probably protect our lawyers with a team of attorneys themselves.”
Cohen’s firm thinks they have their staffing needs taken care of, but they worry if more troubling or damning allegations come to light that they could exhaust the pool of available lawyers to represent lawyers they’ve hired to represent the lawyers they hired to represent themselves as they represent Mr. Cohen.
“It’s a clusterfuck wrapped in an orgy buried in a circle jerk,” our source says. “But it’ll all work out in the end, I’m sure.”
This is a developing story.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.