Trump And Stephen Miller Still Searching For Perfect Racist Joke To Open State Of The Union

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With just hours to go before one of the biggest moments of his nascent political career and presidency, President Donald Trump is reportedly still working with his top speechwriter on tweaking his first State of the Union address.

Tomorrow night, Trump will become the latest sitting U.S. President to address Congress, and the country, while delivering remarks on his administration sees the country now, where they see it heading, and how their agenda fits into all of it. Though the address wasn’t part of the first several presidents’ agendas, in modern times presidents have used the speech to promote the policies and vision they have for the country. After a tumultuous first year, sources close to the president say he understands quite bigly the importance of this speech.

Reportedly, President Trump and Stephen Miller, the White House’s senior immigration policy have been in the Oval Office with the door closed for several hours this morning. Miller and Trump are pouring over hundreds of joke books published between 1700 and 1970. Trump wants to open his speech with a joke, aides say, because he knows breaking the ice with humor is a tried and true public speaking trick that helps both the audience and the speaker feel more at ease.

“Stephen is helping the president find just that right, perfect racist joke to open his State of the Union with,” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said while dunking a doughnut into her coffee, taking it out, dredging it sausage gravy, and swallowing it whole. “Our base will want to feel comfortable and at ease right away, and the president had the frankly brilliant idea to lead with a racist joke to let them know he’s still fighting for the White America First agenda.”

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Sources say that they’re confident Miller and Trump will find the right joke to open the speech with, but they acknowledge there are some comedic concerns they’re grappling with.

“It’s tricky because we’re not sure if we should go with something that might be new to them, or an old classic their grandpappy told them,” one source said.

Should they be unable to settle on a racist joke to open the State of the Union address with, aides say Miller and Trump have a backup plan or two already cooked-up.

“They’re thinking of doing a Minstrel number, in full black face, which they think should really drive home to their base how much they’re respected,” one anonymous staffer told us. “But then again, the president is himself a racist joke, so that might be all that’s needed to be pointed out, in the grand scheme of things.”

The State of the Union address will be given by President Trump tomorrow night, before a joint session of Congress and televised around the world.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

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