President Trump Promises Delivery Of TIE Fighters To Normay

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, President Trump continued his efforts to solidify and strengthen America’s diplomatic relationship with Normay. Last week, Trump took the extraordinary step of renaming the country, long known as “Norway,” and he proudly declared that the U.S. had delivered F-35 jets to them, as well as a new jet that even the Department of Defense didn’t know existed, the F-52.

During Normay’s Prime Minister’s visit, Trump tried to cozy up to the Nordic country by intimating he’d rather have immigrants come from there than from “shithole” countries. The list of “shithole” countries Trump keeps has not been disclosed, but Haiti, El Salvador, and much of Africa is on it. Normay’s government has not responded to the immigration overtures, however their PM did say she thought the idea of Normegians leaving Normay’s universal health care behind to live in a country with near daily mass shootings was “not very realistic” and didn’t cause her much concern of a brain drain from Normay to Amerikkka.

“Today, I am earmarking the construction of six thousand of our Twin Ion Engine fighters to be delivered to the great people of Normay upon their construction,” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office as he signed the executive order. “These new TIE Fighters are a gift from me, God Emperor Tiny Hands, to the Prime Menstrual of Normay. Long may she live, long may the Empire reign, and long may these TIE fighters protect the amazing Normegian people.”

Mr. Trump is reportedly considering more overtures to the people of Normay, and he elucidated on some of those considerations as well.

“I was thinking of calling my good friend Vladimir Putin, and by good friend I mean that I barely know him, have never colluded with his government, and really can’t even find Russia on a map, but anyway, I was gonna ask Vlad if we could send a stable of piss whores to the Normegian parliament as a gift,” Trump said. “I figured they’d like that as much as the TIE Fighters I’m sending them.”

Representatives from Normay could not be reached for comment.

Satire like this can also be found on Alternative Facts and The Political Garbage Chute.

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