Typing “Go Fuck Yourself” On Facebook Now Unleashes A Stream Of Cute Little Animated Dildos

SILICON VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Social media giant Facebook is constantly trying to improve the experience its billions of users have every day on the biggest social media platform on the web. Each new tweak to its newsfeed algorithm, each new feature addition or enhancement, is aimed at giving users a unique, fun, or engaging experience while using Facebook.

In recent weeks, you may have noticed, if you’re a Facebook user, that typing some key phrases into post and comment windows create automatic animations. For instance, typing “xoxoxo” will flood your screen temporarily with cartoon hearts. Typing “congratulations” sets off a flurry of confetti and balloons. Even phrases in our shared vernacular like “You’ve got this” will elicit a bouncing “thumbs up” like icon from the bottom of your screen.

Today, Facebook announced that they will be adding some more contextual animations to key phrases that its users enter most commonly.

Disneyland Having All Its Caribbean Pirates Tested For Coronavirus

“We know that our users engage with each other and the world around them in many different ways, and we strive to continually improve the ways they are able to do just that on our platform,” Facebook writes in a press release from today. “So starting very soon, typing the phrase ‘Go Fuck Yourself’ will result in a fun little animation of cartoon dildos floating all around your screen.”

In the future, Facebook plans to make more key phrases result in fun animations.

“In the coming weeks and months, more phrases will be added to our animation library,” Facebook writes. “So whether you’re telling someone to eat a bag of dicks, or you’re telling someone you think they look cute in their new dress, animations will flood your screen to the point that you’re almost afraid of typing anything so as not to give yourself a stroke from all the tiny little avatars and animation sequences.”

Married Couple Might Get To Fuck Again Some Day


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Tags:

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

You May Also Like

Mark Zuckerberg Probably Won’t Mind Us Publishing That He Fucks Sheep on Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of Facebook, enjoys fucking sheep. At least we’re pretty ...

Trump Worried Too Many Solar Panels Means Humans Might ‘Suck Up All the Sunlight’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Presdident Donald Trump today told reporters that “one bigly reason” he ...

Elon Musk Mulls Acquiring And Then Immediately Deleting Facebook

This story first appeared on Alternative Science. Elon Musk made global headlines when he deleted ...

Study Reveals Inverse Relationship Between Genital Size and Saying “Cuck”

One of the nation’s leading scientific research organizations has concluded that the more someone ...