Excerpts From President Trump’s Nightly Bedtime Calls To Sean Hannity
byThis week, reporting in New York Magazine revealed that President Donald Trump and Fox News host Sean Hannity have a very intimate relationship. The relationship between…
Elon Musk Mulls Acquiring And Then Immediately Deleting Facebook
byThis story first appeared on Alternative Science. Elon Musk made global headlines when he deleted the official SpaceX and Tesla pages from Facebook. Musk made…
Alt-Right Star Wars Fan Explains Why His Racism, Sexism, and General Bigotry Are Saving Franchise
bySCUMMANVILLANEE BAY, MINNESOTA — Phillip Patterson is as about as die-hard a Star Wars fan as you will ever meet, but he says he plans to…
He Smoked Three Marijuana Cigarettes And STILL Couldn’t Shake The Feeling Life Is A Meaningless Series Of Tragedies Until You Die
bySAND CASTLE SHORES, IDAHO — Terry Bonner lives in a state that has yet to legalize marijuana, but he lives within relative driving distance…
Conservative Wookiee Irate At Having To Dial 1 For Shyriiwook
byKASHYYYK, OUTER RIM — A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Tibor the Wookiee — 345 years old and a staunch,…
Economists: Legal California Marijuana Will Make In ‘N’ Out Richer Than God By 2028
byNEW YORK, NEW YORK — Economists at the National Institute of Cash Money released the results of a study they conducted during the first…
Man Not Convinced He Made Right Smartphone Purchase Until He Sends First Unbidden Digital Penile Image With It
byLAKE TALLAWAKUR, FLORIDA — Though he says at this point he’s “about 85 to 90 percent sure” about his recent smartphone purchase, the truth…
Town Racist Blames Ambien Script Running Out For Brief Bout Of Tolerance
byBEDFORD FOREST, WEST VIRGINIA — Ed Foy would never, ever have done it if he hadn’t run out of Ambien, his sleep aid prescription,…
ABC Replacing “Roseanne” With TV Show Starring Overstuffed Bag Of Farts And Racist Jokes From The 1930’s In A MAGA Hat
byHOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA — ABC Entertainment executives were surely thrown for a loop when they were tasked with putting out a public relations fire of…