Disney Assures Visitors They Can Still Hurl Racist Insults at Employees While Riding Updated Splash Mountain
ANALSLIME, CALIFORNIA — This week, Disney became the latest corporation to reconcile its problematic ...
Surgeons Asphyxiating From Wearing Masks Up 10,000,000,000,000% Since COVID-19 Outbreak
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The National Medical Research Institute of America has just ...
Police Union Suggests Banning Camera Phones Would Eliminate Brutality and Excessive Force
LA VALLE DE PUERCA, CALIFORNIA — The United National Fraternity of Law Enforcement, one ...
NASCAR Assures Fans They’ll See Confederate Flag Before Every Final Lap
DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA — Yesterday, NASCAR announced that it was banning the display of ...
Cop Would Rather Resign and Only Beat His Wife If He Can’t Have a Tank and Machine Gun At Work
KEITEL, MINNESOTA — Lt. Chad Jughedd is “about as pissed off” as he’s ever ...
Alphabet Announces New Porn-Only Web Browser Called “Google Cream”
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — For years now, millions of users have surfed websites ...
Bill Gates Announces Windows COVID-19 Operating System
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON — In just a couple of weeks, Microsoft will launch its newest ...
Man Dumbfounded That Clothes Left Next to Hamper Are Still Washed and Folded
COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO — A Colorado man has reported miraculous laundry patterns in his ...
World Shocked to Discover Billionaire Just Entitled Sociopath Asshole
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Billionaire and Likely Cartoon Villain Elon Musk wanted his ...
Local Militia Group Preparing to Liberate Chick-Fil-A Dining Room From Coronavirus Lockdown
SISTER BANGER, KENTUCKY — They don’t know exactly when, but the members of Kentucky’s ...